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posted on: May 24, 2009 4:49am
Summary: MY GOAL IN LIFE IS TO BE THE GREATEST HORROR DIRECTOR OF ALL TIME !!!
Dear Satanico P. Squirrel ,
I've been trying to get my first feature film started and I keep hitting wall after wall financially ! I really am having a hard time getting people to back a film that's about a 16 yr.old girl that gets raped by her father on the morning of her 16th birthday and it triggers something in her that turns her into a serial killer that baits and hunts down men across the country ! My directing style for this movie resembles a cross between Henry:Portrait of a Serial Killer & TAXI DRIVER , with the lead looking like Abbie Cornish ! I really can't get over this hurdle and I'm at the end of my rope holding on for dear life ! Can you help me out with some advice about how I can get my baby up and running !
All I ever needed was a shot , and watch what I can do !
Do you know of anybody that can help me get my directing career started ! I'M SERIOUS ABOUT THIS , FOR THIS IS ALL I KNOW !!! I COULD NEVER BE HAPPY AT DOING ANYTHING ELSE IN THE WORLD !!!
GOREHOUND............OUT..........................
Signed,
666GOREHOUND666
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replied on: June 11, 2009 12:11am
Dear 666GOREHOUND666,
You may want to ask yourself if you'd even kill to make a film..? I've actually thought about this before. I am very fascinated with filmmaking, so I proposed a business plan on how to make my film. You are welcome to follow my plan:
1. I manipulate/lie/impress a shitload of interested investors for the film by holding a nice wine & cheese event on a yacht which I funded by killing and robbing the last dickhead who went on and on about how his new internet phone was the shiznit. Also paid was an entertainment lawyer's retainer to sign on investors that evening.
2. I stage a "seemingly unmanned" speed boat out so far off shore and act like I need to go check it out because they might need help. Me being the person that is holding all of this sea-based scenario, it doesn't strike anyone as odd that I act gung-ho, jump in the water and swim over to the speed boat. Unknown to all aboard the yacht, I have sealed the signed checks/retainers for funds in a plastic baggy in my pocket. (note though that if sharks are in the water, this whole thing gets fucked up right away).
3. I board the speed boat because I purposely left the ladder down, and once inside the speed boat, I reveal the detonator to the bomb that I have placed on the yacht and blow the fuckers to pieces.
4. I speed away, cash the checks the next day via the fake name signed to and through the account that I set up, and then I relocate to a European country because most films are being shot there on the cheap anyway. Not to mention that most big shot actors/actresses like filming in Europe.
With the state of most money-bags people these days and how greedy they are, this is truly a win/win situation. You get your budget or enough to entice further investors to go in with you on a common investment, plus you get rid of a bunch of snobby assholes that probably were a bunch of coke-heads anyway.
Until next time,
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