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posted on: January 29, 2009 8:57am
Summary: Need help deciding how to handle the morbidly depressing events of my life.
Dear Satanico P. Squirrel ,
I'm stuck in a dead end job and am bored to tears 75% of the time that I'm here (which gives me a lot of time to think about my miserable life and probably makes me depressed) but I need the money and the benefits desperately for me and my 7 year old daughter. I feel like if I don't start using my brains soon, they're going to start leaking out of my ears like so much moldy cottage cheese. I graduated college with a liberal arts degree so, even though I can tell you a whole lot about history, literature or philosophy, I'm not qualified to do anything other than make copies or work in fast food.
My life's dream is to open up a bookstore devoted to the horror genre and while away my days surrounded by the undead, but I don't know if I have what it takes to make a serious go of it and I worry about ending up in the lurch and having the kiddo suffer.
I though maybe I could find a sugar daddy, but my boyfriend has less captial than I do and doesn't relish the idea of me trolling the retriement homes for some loaded 89 year old.
So, my dear Tim Seth, what should I do? Keep collecting my paycheck even though each day kills off another piece of my soul? Chuck it all and follow my dream even though it may lead to financial ruin? Or give up on love in order to lure an octogeneric high roller?
Please help!
Signed,
Caught in the Corporate Grinder
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replied on: February 4, 2009 11:10pm
Dear Caught in the Corporate Grinder,
I actually have a story for you. In London, I knew a secretly wealthy bookstore owner named Henry. Henry was a bookie years before for some major families - He was about 50 or so years of age, and he got swept off his feet by this 20-something aged tart. She was a gold digger for sure. They married, and she took full advantage of Henry, even after I told him to his face that she was no angel. Henry just kept being naive... but only until she killed him. The girl had poisoned him. She pulled a Hamlet and poured it into his ear canal. The medical team who autopsied his body did not disclose this to the public, as she promised payment for them not to. I have quite a bit of money myself. I paid upfront, and I got the truth to satisfy my speculations.
Not much longer than a week after Henry's widow was supposed to be grieving, she was with some young guy and threatening Henry's attorneys. They couldn't find his money to disperse to her. That's because they never knew where Henry hid his money... he never did trust banks. I didn't either. I used Henry. I used Henry's laundering and secretive process. Well, long-story-short, I tipped the girl and her young guy off that the money was hidden inside the facade of what looked like books on the top shelves... the books that no one would ever reach or care to see really. Sure enough, those two began a tear through the bookstore late that evening. I surprised them and beat the living shit out them using a hard copy of Les' Miserables, which was ironic because they were "the miserable" when I decided to stop... hehe. I then just set the place on fire and let them burn alive. I thought it was fitting of their fiery passion. Of course, I had already removed all of Henry's money - mine, too.
The point (if you missed it) is that you can try to get ahead via corrupt means all that you wish to, but you will likely be subject to the vengeance of those more experienced at it. If you are willing to question whether corrupt means are for you, then you are obviously dealing with your conscience... something the real criminals, fiends and monsters of us out there don't have. We never think about the horrors we exact. For example: I could carjack somebody right now and immediately go to Taco Bell drive-thru after the fact. And, damn...now, I'm hungry.
Until next time,
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