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| The delicious consumption of human flesh, made completely sweet and easy (and legal) for those that have no time to kill, peel, dissect, section, grind, etc, the human body. |
SUBMITTED BY: elizadeth
SUBMITTED ON: February 21, 2009 |
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| TYPE: |
| Other |
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| RECIPE YIELD: |
| Depends on Appetite |
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| PREP TIME: |
| 1 h. |
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| READY IN: |
| 2 h. |
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| INGREDIENTS: |
1 can blackberry or raspberry pie topping
3 boxes instant red velvet cake mix
12 eggs
1 cup vegetable oil
3 3/4 cups water
3 tubs of ready made frosting
pink food coloring
yellow food coloring
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| DIRECTIONS: |
1. In a normal bowl, prepare the red velvet cake mix as follows, 4 eggs, 1/3 cup oil, 1 1/4 cups of water and a very thorough blending for each of the three bowls. You may even consider using the same bowl and preparing the mix three times. All good art requires careful consideration to every minute detail.
The pans are greased and just barely floured enough to consider it floured. There, the blood red cake batter is poured into each mold with the gruesome hunger growing inside of you. In your mind, of course, you must have already decided where your hunger really grows. Do you want to make an arm? Do you want to get out a cookie sheet and make yourself a big juicy thigh? Well, my loves, that takes practice. Why don't you start with the red mine, make a torso.
You'll need two 9 x 13s and two bread pans, as well as two tiny cake molds. Don't worry, it all fits in the oven simultaneously. Mwahaha. Once the batter is filled to desired results, put your art in the oven at 350 degrees and wait patiently as your body becomes erect. Your torso parts, that is.
Once your cake parts are through cooking, they must all be removed and allowed time to cool. Once the cooling process is complete, your work truly begins and the madness grips your brain and feeds you with the creativity to be a true Wisconsin Cannibal. (Ed and Jeffrey would be so proud of me.)
On an immaculate cutting board, you must carefully remove one 9 x 13 from his cell. Once alone, you must cut from him the puffy part that rose from the flattened intentions, thus stripping the optimism from his cooking soul. In one piece, of course, the decapitated top can sit and wait in the original pan. The sculpted starting piece must be put gently on an oversized, upside down cookie sheet, thus drawing in your mind the operations within the morgue--the metal slab!
With the sharpest blade in your kitchen, or even just a spoon, you may then make passages near the top of the cake. Once this is complete, arteries will be the oozing red blood, otherwise known as finely ground raspberry topping. To apply this blood, I suggest using a large syringe without the needle- they make those kind of fancy and kitchen-y these days, so it shouldn't sound too weird, right?
The second 9 x 13 needs to be flipped upside down first, and injected with the horrible goo of human death before the bisection is reformed as one massive hunk of fatality. Mmmm, it's looking yummy by now, but alas, she's still skinless and without shoulders.
The two bread pans- these are her shoulders. With your massively long and over-sharpened knife. Mmmm....so many good ones out there. I like them long, and sometimes even serrated... Go ahead and use your zombie lunch to decide what parts to carve, sculpt and create the torso compliment of shoulders and decapitated head.
The next piece, the former epidermal layer of 9 x 13 number one will then be placed as the happy connector for the shoulders to the chest. Below this is the naval. It tastes just as good as armpit, don't worry.
Finally, I know you were waiting for this, the boobs. If you have a male cake, they should be only lumps. If you have a porn star cake...well....should've gone with 4 boxes of mix, baby. Oh well. The average cannibal cake is happy with a B-cup tits. Carefully sculpt each tit like it were your own and place them on the chest with consideration to your next challenge.
We've all peeled a human before, but sometimes putting the skin on is a little weird at first. All that wonderful frosting is a well balanced combination of three drops of neon pink and six drops old fashioned yellow. This creates a very special Caucasian color. I haven't made a black cake, because I know I'd be sued. You must keep in consideration that the flesh beneath the skin is unnatural, like Tommy putting on his Leatherface mask it can fall off as easy as it can go on until it's just right.
Once you're done your happy cannibalistic housewife thing and spread the skin with grace and poise or whatever....you must then prepare a convincing Y-incision with your syringe in hand. Yes, show the world where that hot long haired medical examiner cut that poor torso open. The gaping holes at the shoulders, head and belly should be drenched in blood, by the way....so hope you didn't put skin there.
Mmm.....it's yummy.
Bon Appetit!
~~~Hannah Belle | |
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COMMENTS:
Rated on: February 23, 2009 6:30pm by Mister MistI haven't tried this one yet, but on gorgeous gruesomeness alone, five marks. Lovely image as well. Those are the tastiest looking nipples I've ever seen!
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